Thursday, March 11, 2010

what I miss most, on a different subject but with bows to Amelia

I miss my children playing in the backyard, the sun slanting, the heat almost oppressive. I miss watching them and thinking this is bliss. I miss the joy I felt then. The peace. I miss all of it. My son will leave. My mother will die. These things I know. My life will go on. I will manage. I miss my children young. I miss my own youth. I miss the things that I didn't know I had when I had them. I miss lying on a summer beach with Steven and Nancy and thinking that these people would be my best friends forever. I miss being best friends with anyone. I miss being that naive. I miss believing that I could do anything and do it well. I miss thinking "that was genius." I miss elation, a plane taking off, me riding anywhere at all. I miss the sense of possibility. I miss all that and more.

I see what I have; life is good but life is never what you expect. We strive and strain and discover that. What would I do if I had it to do over again. I'm faced with that question because I give it to Amelia to ponder. She has to think would she start over? Would she serve others before serving herself? She did, and I did it too. I loved doing it at first, but then I discovered that I was selfish, that I wanted more. I think she'd want more too. She had it once. Is it luck that makes you an Amelia Earhart? I think luck is only a small piece of it. I think there's courage, determination, ambition, and a stubborn sense of self.

I may have come to this party late, but I'm here now.


  1. I miss holding my kids when they were wee babes, so soft and full of life, and such blissful peace in their faces when they slept. It's good to treasure those memories, they are worth savoring. What would I do if I were 18 and not 52? Mmmm...I don't know if I'd go into the mental health field, maybe teaching instead- which is what you do. But then I would have never met my husband if I didn't go down this career path, so I think I wouldn't want to change anything that would have prevented me from having the husband and kids I have now. Every life story is so unique, it's staggering. I read an anonymous quote the other day, "When a senior dies it's like the burning of a library." Your post brings up some interesting memories for me...I'm glad you shared these reflections.

  2. Thanks Colleen, one of those bittersweet moments really. And yes, I'll admit it, I'd had a drink before I posted. Plus I'm facing the hardest part of this novel now, knowing that if I get this right, the whole thing will really sing. Or at least believing that this is true. I'm a bit too impetuous myself, so I rush through things and into things and now I have to make sure that I'm taking my time and thinking it through.

  3. Creative writing is a bold endeavor, my hat is off to you. Good luck with bringing Amelia back to us in this novel- she feels something like an unfinished story with her abrupt disappearance and I am glad you are bringing her back. To me she represents daring and being unconventional and being true to your heart- all of which we need today.