confidence

Do I have what it takes? There's a question. Did Amelia ask herself that? Undoubtedly. And she answered in the affirmative. It's her self confidence that resonates. I admire it. I was raised differently. I doubt myself more than a little. I worry and worry and worry some more. But there was a time when I felt differently. Once I used to love to fly. Every time the plane took off I'd feel such elation. My first flight was to St. Paul for my sister's graduation. I was ecstatic, not just because I was going to see her, the sister I idolized, but because I was in a plane, it seemed truly miraculous. I had a window seat and watched the world slip by. There was turbulence and I actually enjoyed it, compare that to my white knuckled grip now.

I trusted the pilot would land the plane safely. But also I believed that life was open ended. I knew that anything was possible. . .where did that girl go? She grew up and realized that life was surprising. Even when you got what you wanted, it wasn't at all what you expected it to be. I became a fearful flier for a while. But then I realized, I wanted to see too much of the world, I was only hurting myself. So I adjusted. It's the destination that matters most. I want to go somewhere else . . . I want that freedom.

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward."

How on earth did she convince herself of that. Or, put in terms that make more sense to me these days, "I want some."